Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
