fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
