Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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