We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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