The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
