ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
