You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
