i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
