I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
