You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
