Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
