Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Drunk is not a location!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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