I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
