Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Drake has all the answers
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
