i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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