so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
