I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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