i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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