I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I just forgot I was standing up.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
