You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
