i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
