I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
