sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
