i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
