I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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