lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
