How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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