Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
