im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
