I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
