Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
