Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Randomize
