I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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