I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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