I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
