After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
