I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
