just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
