I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
