It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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