I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
