I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
