i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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