So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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