if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he fucked my hip out of place.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Randomize
