I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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