You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
