Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
