hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
