i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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