I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
